Check your inbox for your latest news from us. I have an uncle who does yoga., 65.Busy? Ive created this office as a symbol of how I feel about government. Kidadl is supported by you, the reader. Ben: I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to have a weapon at work. 50 of Milton Joness most ingenious jokes and one-liners Some are big, some are small. I am not interested in caring about people., 40. Ok so he wasnt that wise, but he did say things that would make your mind do a double-take. "If any of you need anything at all, too bad." This is a quote that Ron Swanson made to warn his subordinates that he doesn't like to be asked for advice. Give 100%. I will leave my children $50 apiece for the cab home from my funeral and a steak dinner, end of discussion., 7. Do not float like a butterfly. Best friend I ever had. 30 of Jack Whitehalls funniest jokes Which is water that's lying about being milk. We will get along just fine, though hopefully not too fine, because I am not looking for any new friends. } You are free to do so. ", "Wait. RELATED: NBC 4. Government is inefficient and should be dissolved., 95. Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of interesting family-friendly quotes for everyone to enjoy! Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets. 7. He has plenty of advice for the rest of us. Hes a grown man. Or have I?, 6. An ideal night out, to me, is stepping onto my porch area and grilling up a thick slab of somethings flesh and then popping in a highlight real from the WNBA., 81. I am not a beggar. One rage every three months is permitted. If you want to experience other cultures, use an atlas or a ham radio., Any dog under fifty pounds is a cat and cats are useless., Its always a good idea to demonstrate to your coworkers that you are capable of withstanding a tremendous amount of pain., [On letting your feelings out] One rage every three months is permitted. Breakfast food can serve many purposes., 77. Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. The only thing that's important at the end of the day is what's on your gravestone Your name. ". When people get too chummy with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I dont really care about them., 35. Burt Reynolds greatest quotes remembering the actors wit and wisdom following his death aged 82 Funniest Ron Swanson quotes Sting like a bee, but do not float like a butterfly. I'm going to need more Ron Swansons., 110. RELATED: 10 Secondary Parks And Rec Characters Who Stole The Show. ". Don't start chasing applause and acclaim. Id work all night, if it meant nothing got done., [On art] Its pointless for a human to paint scenes of nature when they can go outside and stand in it., America: The only country that matters. You're lonely., 107. Hes not a team player. (1,097) $14.40. "There's only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Only idiots recommend that." 4. And Ron Swanson fromParks and Recreationthough a man of few words at timesis actually full of advice. I have personally put out several local fires at no cost to the taxpayer., 86. Parks and Rec may have ended in 2015, but Ron Ulysses Swanson quotes remaina constant source of wisdom and relatability in these uncertain times. Barbecues should be about one thing: good shared meat., 85. Live your life how you want, but dont confuse drama with happiness., 58. My idea of a perfect government is one guy who sits in a small room at a desk, and the only thing hes allowed to decide is who to nuke. No hook, no spin, no fuss. "There's nothing we can't do if we work hard, never sleep, and shirk from all other responsibilities in our lives." - Leslie . This article contains incorrect information, This article doesnt have the information Im looking for, 110 Best Ron Swanson Quotes From 'Parks And Recreation', Short Ron Swanson Quotes From Parks And Rec, 41 Quotes From Frankenstein For Your Gothic Literature Studies, 32 Richard Siken Quotes From The Inspiring 'Crush' Poet, 30 The Purpose Driven Life Quotes From The Famous Bible Study, 70 Best Salon Quotes And Sayings To Leave You Feeling Beautiful. Its no secret that Ron Ulysses Swanson is an oddity. We also link to other websites, but are not responsible for their content. "I'm not interested in caring about people.". "There are only three ways to motivate people: money, fear, and hunger." 3. Passing the Buck. Im Ron F***ing Swanson., Have your say on the latest TV and film with Screen Babble, our discussion group on Facebook, 31 Richard Madeley quotes, gaffes and surreal moments that prove he truly is Alan Partridge The less I know about other peoples affairs, the happier I am. "Any dog under fifty pounds is a cat and cats are useless.". If there were more food and fewer people, this would be a perfect party., 73. Ron Swanson , Parks and Recreation 04x17: Campaign Shake-Up Well, I am not usually one for speeches. Also, whiskey and a cigar. He loves bacon, hunting, woodworking, and hates the government and happy people. Be ice cream or be nothing. Let us know in the comments - or check out our post in the community tab! Do not stand too close when you light an ex-wife effigy. 11. Withfishing as one of his leisure activities, he's able to both sharpen a survival skill and relax, all without the pesky presence of other people to ruin his experience. Ron: "One shelf." "Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets.". I worry what you just heard was, 'Give me a lot of bacon and eggs.' Best friend I ever had. Put some alcohol in your mouth to block with words from coming out., 43. 23 of Outnumbereds funniest (and possibly unscripted) quotes) Ive cried twice in my life. 20. Youve accidentally given me the food that my food eats. Deal with your problems yourselves, like adults., [On politics] The government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayers teat until they have sore, chapped nipples., Capitalism: Gods way of determining who is smart and who is poor., On my deathbed, my final wish is to have my ex-wives rush to my side so I can use my dying breath to tell them both to go to hell one last time., Fishing relaxes me. The whole point of this country is if you want to eat garbage, balloon up to 600 pounds and die of a heart attack at 43, you can! Hire Very Good Building Company for your construction needs. Ron Swanson's quotes reveal that has a low tolerance for people, an appreciation of nature, he understands the value of hard work (so long as it isn't government work), and his ardent. Its the iron c*ck shredder of Pawnee., This article was originally published on November 7, 2019, A Mom In Denmark Posted A Video Of A Staffed Playground & It's Total Heaven, A Mom Unboxed All of Her Collector Barbie Dolls With Her Daughter. ", *Playing a hunting video game* "I hope you've made peace with your god, small electronic deer. But I will do something if it helps someone else do nothing. Best father of the bride jokes for a wedding speech to remember Ron Swanson Quotes 1. ", "I've cried twice in my life. That key's been useless since the 2nd Tuesday I gave it to you., 13. Barbecues should be about one thing: good shared meat., 84. "Give 100%; 110% is impossible. The character was created by Michael Schur and Greg Daniels with inspiration from a real-life Libertarian elected official. If you want to experience other cultures, use an atlas or a ham radio., Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. And women are brought to him, maybewhen he desires them., 38. My son is several weeks old. 17 of Ken Dodds most ingeniously funny jokes What in God's name is freegan-vegan?, 97. Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. ", "There's only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. We still never talk sometimes. 25 of Charlie Brookers most cutting jokes and insults You can't be upset when nobody thanks you. Ron Swansons rules for a BBQ: There will be no froof-y desserts. creative tips and more. 110% is impossible. It doesn't matter what job you have; Ron Swanson has something to say about it. The last refuge of the cowardly and Blackhearted., 80. The 28 funniest Greg Davies jokes and quotes Sign up for Scary Mommy's daily newsletter for more stories from the trenches. We still never talk sometimes., 50. "I'm not interested in caring about people." "Strippers do nothing for me but I will take a free breakfast buffet anytime, anyplace." [On his drinking preferences] "Clear alcohols are for rich. Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. "You choose a thankless job. That's ridiculous.. Boom, sad wall. 30 of Michael McIntyres best jokes and funniest one-liners I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. He's a grown man. Ron Swanson's Wisdom #3: "Normally, if given the choice between doing something and nothing, I'd choose to do nothing. The reception will be held in each of our individual houses, alone., 14. That is indeed a garbage continent., 14. 19 of the funniest World Cup jokes from stand-up comedians Leslie has a lot of qualities I find horrifying. Ron Swanson. "I'm more of a whiskey man." Ann: "How many drinks of alcohol do you consume a week? Heres April and Andys: A hammer, a half-eaten pretzel, a baseball card, some cartridge that says Sonic and Hedgehog, a scissor half, a flashlight filled with jellybeans., Strippers do nothing for mebut I will take a free breakfast buffet anytime, anyplace., One rage every three months is permitted. ae0fcc31ae342fd3a1346ebb1f342fcb. Ron: Literally, everything is a weapon. Which is water that is lying about being milk., 2. Its pointless for a human to paint scenes of nature when they can go outside and stand in it., 60. The less I know about other people's affairs, the happier I am., 46. Everything before that was a mistake. Dont start chasing applause and acclaim. Id work all night, if it meant nothing got done., 16. 26. "I'm not interested in caring about people." Ron Swanson , Parks and Recreation , Parks and Recreation Season 3 : Flu Season Tagged: Love, socialization, Human Interaciton "Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets." Ron Swanson , Parks and Recreation , Parks and Recreation Season 4 : Win, Lose, or Draw ", *His entire will* "Upon my death, all of my belongings shall transfer to the man or animal who has killed me. , 27. Thats ridiculous., 62. The three most useless jobs in the world are, in order, lawyer, congressman, and doctor. 23. Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. I work for the government., 90. 75 of Billy Connollys best jokes, one-liners and quips It's a 16oz T-bone and a 24oz porterhouse. Ron Swanson government quotes that show his dismay for the government! Do you understand? There is only Doc McStuffins., 76. Fishing relaxes me. Not a mere cynic, Ron could be very caring when it came to those closest tohim, even if that care was often delivered withhis trademark deadpan. Waitwait. Ron Swanson Quotes. But as long as I sit still and dont move my head or torso, Im good. 2. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. I am going to consume all of this at the same time because I am a free American., Im a simple man. And from gladiators into Swansons., Great job, everyone. Do not float like a butterfly. I don't think of you romantically. Heres April and Andys: A hammer, a half-eaten pretzel, a baseball card, some cartridge that says Sonic and Hedgehog, a scissor half, a flashlight filled with jellybeans., 58.My first ex-wifes name is Tammy. Or do not. Kidadl provides inspiration to entertain and educate your children. With the other entries on the pyramid, like capitalism, haircuts, teamwork, and buffets, Ron breaks down the principles that rule his life, and althoughtypically pre-occupied with the self (selfishness gets its own category), they also show his concern for the correct treatment of others. Some of the best quotes showing the anti-social side of Ron Swanson. 32. As played byNick Offerman, the strong-willed boss and friend of Leslie Knope knows what he likes (meat, breakfast food, dark-haired women, being left alone) and what he doesn't (elaborate cocktails, salads, having the government know anything about him), and over seven seasons of the comedy, he wasted no opportunity to make his preferences known. Once when I was 7 and hit by a school bus. That is indeed a garbage continent., 95. For more up-to-date information, sign up for our Wait wait. On my deathbed, my final wish is to have my ex-wives rush to my side so I can use my dying breath to tell them both to go to hell one last time., 15. I call this turf n turf. Give 100%. There are three acceptable haircuts: high and tight, crew cut, buzz cut. 9. End speech. They're too strong for clippers., 10. Normally, if given the choice between doing something and nothing, Id choose to do nothing. Child labor laws are ruining this country., 67. I think that all government is a waster of taxpayer money. 31. 1. ", "If there were more food and fewer people, this would be a perfect party. Im a simple man. And Ron Swanson from Parks and Recreationthough a man of few words at timesis actually full of advice.As played by Nick Offerman, the strong-willed boss and friend of Leslie Knope knows what he likes (meat, breakfast food, dark-haired women, being left alone) and what he doesn't (elaborate cocktails, salads, having the government . ", "History began on July 4, 1776. Whether it's Ron's thoughts on fishing (basically yoga) or the best friend he ever had (they still never talk sometimes) it's here. Tom is exactly what Im looking for in a government employee., 70. The government should not prop up a failed business. Here are 10 of the funniest jokes written by kids "I regret nothing. if( 'moc.enilnoefiltseb' !== location.hostname.split('').reverse().join('') ) { 73. Just let business be business and government be government., 93. Your notice should include (a) a description of the copyrighted work that you claim has been infringed; (b) the URL where the allegedly infringing Site Content is located; (c) your full name, postal address, telephone number, and email address; (d) a statement that you have a good faith belief that the use of the allegedly infringing material on our Sites is not authorized; (e) your physical or electronic signature; and (f) a statement that you are the copyright owner or an authorized agent of the copyright owner. All rights reserved. Ron: You have your same hair.. "Dear frozen yogurt, you are the celery of desserts. Some sitcom characters are just a lot wiser than others. Its like yoga, except I still get to kill something., 28. 96. Please consult your doctor before taking any action. 50 Edinburgh Fringe one-liners that deserved to win Funniest Joke ", *On eating salad* "You've accidentally given me the food that my food eats. He enjoys his dry sense of humor and often jokes about things and likes to keep a light atmosphere around himself. In the context of this quote giving advice to Leslie about pursuing her dream of becoming a city councilor in season 4 Ron shows hisconsiderate side, one that often hides beneath levels of disdain, and is able to re-focus Leslie with a mantra that is both wise and dryly funny. Dont teach a man to fishand feed yourself. We will always aim to give you accurate information at the date of publication - however, information does change, so its important you do your own research, double-check and make the decision that is right for your family. 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Anyway, please do not misinterpret the fact that I am talking right now as genuine interest in art and attempt to discuss it with me further. That way lies madness., 30. 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"Next thing you want to do is ditch the terrier and get yourself a proper dog. BuzzFeed Staff. No home is complete without a proper toolbox. Im Ron Fucking Swanson., 24. When people get too chummy with me I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I dont really care about them., 55. While the idea of Hallmark inventing the concept of birthdays is hilarious, Ron's true sentiment here about the commercialization of the simple celebration of aging does have some truth to it beyond the laughshis words generate. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. I love powerful women. What I do like is breakfast food., 69. Once when I was seven and I was hit by a school bus. I think if you would know one thing about me it would be that I prefer laying wreaths to lighting torches., 39. Just when you thought you couldnt laugh any harder, he always came through with his deadpan weirdness. 25 of Dara Briains best jokes and funniest quotes 27 of Sarah Millicans laugh out loud jokes 26 of Stewart Lees most gloriously acerbic jokes } ); I like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food. Do not stand too close when you light an ex-wife effigy., Id wish you the best of luck but I believe luck is a concept created by the weak to explain their failures., Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. I'll do anything! 41 of Stewart Francis most ingenious jokes and one-liners 25 of Rik Mayalls greatest quotes We still never talk sometimes., [On emotions] Crying acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon., When people get too chummy with me I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I dont really care about them., [On dinner plans] You had me at Meat Tornado., [On his management techniques] There are only three ways to motivate people: money, fear, and hunger., If any of you need anything at all, too bad. I'm not interested in caring about people. Be ice cream or be nothing., 80. Fish meat is practically a vegetable., 22. 110% is impossible. You're my worst nightmare., 88. RELATED:9 Things You Never Knew About The 'Parks And Recreation' Cast, RELATED: 18 Symptoms Of A 'Parks And Recreation' Addiction. In this moment of trickery, appearing to pull out his own tooth, Ron manages to assert control over how his colleagues see him andhas a fun time doing it. Listen, Ive eaten a commissary hamburger for lunch every day for twelve years. 68. ", "Please do not misinterpret the fact that I'm talking right now as genuine interest in art and attempt to discuss it with me further. 35 of Blackadders most cunning quips and insults Dont teach a man to fishand feed yourself. Don't start chasing applause and acclaim. \"i'd work all night if it meant nothing got done\" - ron swanson describing my work ethicHere's some of your favourite Ron Swanson quotes, as polled by the community tab! Dont start chasing applause and acclaim. Computers are mostly pointless, but that Yelp thing gave me a great idea on how to criticize people in places., 51. This is Beth, my ex-wife Tammys better looking sister., 108. A true introvert, Ron makes this declaration after he and Diane get married in the season6 premiere. He is very familiar with the sound of power tools., 12. navigator.sendBeacon('https://www.google-analytics.com/collect', payload); 72. You chose a thankless job, you can't be upset when nobody thanks you. Do you understand?, 78. I feel I should remind you that I do not believe that the position or the entire government should exist., 91. And from gladiators into Swansons., There has never been a sadness that cant been cured by breakfast food., Sting like a bee, but do not float like a butterfly. Try not to hurt anyone who doesnt deserve it., I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Hes never wanted to go that extra mile. Veganism is the sad result of a morally corrupt mind. [After being asked if he wants a salad] Since I am not a rabbit, no I do not. Home of the worlds best breakfast dish: The Four Horsemeals of the Eggporkalypse., 88. Kidadl cannot accept liability for the execution of these ideas, and parental supervision is advised at all times, as safety is paramount. The key to burning an ex-wife effigy is to dip it in paraffin wax and then toss the flaming bottle of isopropyl alcohol from a safe distance. ", "The less I know about other people's affairs, the happier I am. 1. Have you considered cutting the entire fire department? ", "There's more than one crib tree in a forest. Godspeed., 77. 49 of Monty Pythons funniest jokes ", "If you don't believe in love, what's the point of living? 2023 Galvanized Media. Looking for more quotes from your favorites from Parks and Rec? "It's always a good idea to demonstrate to your coworkers that you are capable of withstanding a tremendous amount of pain.". You've accidentally given me the food that my food eats., 72. "On my deathbed, my final wish is to have my ex-wives rush to my side so I can use my dying breath to tell them both to go to hell one last time."- Ron Swanson 6. The content produced by YourTango is for informational and educational purposes only. Im not interested in caring about people., 101. Ron Swanson , Parks and Recreation 03x01: Go Big or Go Home You have subscribed to: Remember that you can always manage your preferences or unsubscribe through the link at the foot of each newsletter. Easy. Although Ron doesn't put much effort into his job in the Parks department, he doesn't shy away from effort in general, as proved by his often labor-intensive hobbies.

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